Finding Your Courage to Start Something New

There is a common myth that the 40s and 50s are for "settling in"—that by now, the concrete of our lives should be dry. But for many of us, this is actually the season where the internal GPS starts recalculating. Whether it’s a career pivot (like me!), a return to a dormant passion, or finally launching that "someday" project, the desire to start something new is often there. And really, that's the first step! Recognizing there is a fire burning and that it is YOUR signal for change!

The challenge? Finding the fuel to actually move when the stakes feel higher than they did in our 20s. If you’re feeling the itch to change but are paralyzed by the "what-ifs," here is how to find your motivation and the courage to take the first active step.

Reclaim Your Identity

As "midlifers," our identities are often wrapped in titles: Mom, Manager, Partner, Caregiver, Uber driver for minors. When we consider something new, we often feel like we’re "stealing" time or energy from those roles. Or that we are already too busy to try something new.

The first step to finding courage is recognizing that change isn't a betrayal of your responsibilities; it’s an investment in your vitality. When you pursue a new goal, you aren't just becoming a "beginner" again; you are bringing decades of wisdom, resilience, and problem-solving to the table. You aren't starting from scratch; you’re starting from experience.

Shift from "Why?" to "Why Not?"

Our brains are wired to protect us, which in midlife often sounds like: "Is it too late?" or "What if I fail publicly?"

To find motivation, flip the script. Instead of focusing on the risk of starting, consider the risk of staying exactly where you are.

Ask yourself: “If I don’t do this now, how will I feel in five years?” Often, the "pain" of remaining stagnant becomes greater than the fear of the unknown. That shift is where true motivation is born.

Practical Tips to Move the Needle:

1. Write Down Your Why: Now, I don't typically like the word "why," as a psychologist. It's circular and often keeps us trapped. Here, though, the "why" becomes the purpose behind the action. The importance of doing what you have decided to do. Courage grows in the "doing," not the "thinking."

   
   

2. Start Small: Cliche? Sure. Factual component of success? Yes. What is the first step? WRITE IT DOWN. Humans follow written directions better than mental/verbal prompts. If you want to change careers, for example, maybe your first step is to talk to your spouse. SAY IT ALOUD to a supportive member of your team. You can speak this into existence. It also serves as a layering effect to the written path and makes it slightly harder to go back once told to someone else.

   
   

3. Audit Your Inner Circle: Surround yourself with "expanders"—women who are also pivoting or trying new things. It’s more difficult to be brave in a room full of people who are committed to staying the same.

   
   

4. Practice "Micro-Bravery": Build your courage muscle by doing small, unrelated things that scare you or make you have to sit with a level of distress (not danger). Take a different route home, try a new workout, eat something new, or stand out in the cold. It proves to your nervous system that you can handle "new."

   
   

5. Embrace the "Messy Middle": Give yourself permission to be bad at it for a while. The 40s and 50s can make us perfectionists because we’re used to being experts in our current lives. Re-learning how to be a novice is incredibly liberating.

Give Yourself Permission to Change

This season of life isn't the closing chapter; it’s the beginning of your most authentic one. You have the wisdom, you have the heart—now, give yourself the permission and go!