Making Friends in Your Thirties-Fourties’

In my talks with women, one of the most common questions I get is, "How do I make friends with everything else I have going on?" From here, a tidal wave of blocks is generated by our own thoughts about our ability to make friends, and our insecurities start turning (just like in middle school —great), and THEN we start generating reasons why others can't be friends... and now you are tired. Relationships are so needed at this time, just as they are at other transition points in our lives.

So yes, making friends in your thirties and forties can feel challenging. Yes, life gets busy with work, family, and other responsibilities. Unlike school or college years, where friendships form naturally, adult friendships often require more effort and intention. Yet, building meaningful connections during this stage of life is possible and rewarding. This post explores practical ways to make friends in your thirties and forties, helping you create lasting bonds that enrich your life.

My Buddies❤️

Understand What You Want from Friendships

Before seeking new friendships, it helps to clarify what you want. Friendships can serve different purposes:

• Support: Emotional support during life’s ups and downs.

• Shared interests: People who enjoy similar hobbies or activities.

• Growth: Friends who challenge you to learn and grow.

• Fun: Companions for social outings and entertainment.

  
  

Knowing your priorities guides where and how you look for friends. For example, if you want support, joining a parenting group or a book club might be better than a casual sports league.

Use Your Existing Networks

Your current connections can be a great starting point. Friends of friends, coworkers, or neighbors might share your interests and values. Here are some ways to tap into existing networks:

• Attend social events or gatherings that your acquaintances invite you to. For example, my yoga studio often hosts monthly themed dinners. This has been a great way for my husband to meet my yoga friends and to deepen those relationships.

• Join community groups or clubs where people you know participate. I have been a part of running clubs for years. Running is an individual activity, and honestly, I can't talk and run at the same time. So, how does this work? It's fun to meet up before and after the run to talk about the experience. I can also cheer people on at races and be encouraging of their goals.

• Volunteer for causes your friends support. Someone in your social network engages in a charity-like activity. Volunteering some time, talents, or if you can, donating to their cause is a great way to reconnect.

• Reconnect with "old friends." Just because friendships may have some time and distance between them, doesn't mean they have to stay that way. If a friendship from the past keeps coming to mind, sending a message on social media, sharing a memory or even dropping a "I was thinking about you," can go a long way in reopening doors.

  
  

These settings provide natural opportunities to meet new people with some common ground. Afterall, you are already connected to something and familiar with the person, so the "hard part" is done!

Explore New Activities and Hobbies

Trying new activities opens doors to meet people outside your usual circles. Look for groups or classes that interest you, such as:

• Cooking classes.

• Fitness groups like yoga, pilates, or running clubs.

• Art workshops or craft meetups.

• Language learning groups.

  
  

Participating regularly helps build familiarity and trust, which are essential for friendship. For example, joining a weekly hiking group can lead to casual conversations that grow into deeper connections.

Prioritize Quality over Quantity

In your thirties and forties, it’s better to focus on a few meaningful friendships rather than many superficial ones. Deep friendships take time and effort but provide more satisfaction. To nurture these:

• Schedule regular meetups, even if brief.

• Send a warm text or encouraging statement.

• Share experiences and personal stories.

• Offer help and support when needed.

  
  

For example, a monthly dinner with a close friend can strengthen your bond more than occasional large group hangouts. If you know your friend has something big coming-up, wish them luck! Letting others know you are thinking of them is key inforging relationships and works reciprocally.

Technology

While face-to-face interaction is best, technology can help maintain and find friendships. Apps and websites for local events, hobby groups, or volunteering can connect you with like-minded people. Video calls and messaging keep relationships alive when schedules are tight. Jenny and I use this very commonly since we live in separate states.

Be mindful to balance online and offline interactions. Meeting in person solidifies connections better than just chatting online. So, try to meet up when you can!

Overcome Common Barriers

Adults often face obstacles in making friends, most of which probably sound like middle school all over again, lol! But it is important to recognize potential barriers in order to work on strategies to overcome them. Possible barriers:

• Limited free time: Look for a few minutes of connection time. Instead of "doom scrolling," send a text, make a call. You can do a lot while waiting in the car pick-up line or watching a practice.

• Fear of rejection or awkwardness: Sometimes these feelings linger, but you are only counting yourself out when you don't try. In midlife, most people are over the drama and just looking for someone to be real. So acknowledge the awkward and move with it.

• Past negative experiences: Poor relationships happen to everyone. And that's no good reason to not try again.

  
  

Build Friendships Through Shared Experiences

Shared experiences create strong bonds. Consider:

• Traveling with a group or friend.

• Attending workshops or retreats.

• Joining a sports league or team.

  
  

These activities provide natural conversation starters and memories that deepen friendships.

Maintain Friendships with Consistency

Friendships need ongoing attention. Keep connections alive by:

• Checking in regularly via text or call.

• Celebrating milestones like birthdays or achievements.

• Being reliable and trustworthy.

  
  

Consistency shows you value the relationship and helps friendships endure life’s changes.

Building meaningful friendships in your thirties and forties takes effort but brings great rewards. By understanding what you want, exploring new activities, being open, and nurturing connections, you can create friendships that support and enrich your life. Start small, stay consistent, and enjoy the journey of connecting with others.

What more? Jenny and I also talk about friendships a BUNCH on The LYLAS Podcast. Click here to find an episode, "Like Friendships that Fade" or "Making Friends in Your Thir-Forties."