Co-Parenting... It Happens

Let’s be real for a second. Somewhere between managing our own careers, worrying about our perimenopausal symptoms, and trying to make sure our kids don't turn into total savages, for about half of midlife mommas, we found ourselves in our second marriage. This beautiful blend of two families can work, but it also involves working with the exes...

There can be differences in two homes, disciplinary styles, and a period of adjustment for you, the children involved, and your current partner. It’s exhausting, it’s rarely perfect, and honestly? It’s often a comedic tragedy.

So, how do we survive this stage without screaming? Here are a few "real life" tips from the trenches of mid-life co-parenting.

How To's for Two Homes

1. Treat It Like a Business (Seriously):

I hope there are positive or at minimum healthy exchanges; however, based on my years of clinical practice and knowing we are all human, there can be breakdowns in communication and emotions can still be involved. Right now, your job is to be a good manager to your entire family. This may mean treating communication with the other parenting partners like a business email from a coworker you don’t particularly like. Keep it polite, brief, and exclusively about the "business"—which is raising your kids.

2. Pick Your Battles (And Let 75% Go):

Being honest here, this one is super hard. Is your/ or your spouse's ex letting the kids eat only cereal for dinner? Unless it’s a constant health hazard, let it go. Different houses mean different rules. If you fight about everything, you will have no energy left for the big things—like school issues, health, or safety. Your mental peace is worth more than a strictly enforced 8:00 p.m. bedtime on a Friday.

3. "The Bigger Person" is Exhausting—So Be the "Sane Person" Instead:

Try to model respect. Children are super perceptive—they pick up on negative vibes even if you don't say anything out loud. Sometimes, you just have to look at a photo of your kids, smile, and say "okay" to a ridiculous request, just to keep the peace. It feels like losing, but it’s actually winning, because it reduces your own stress levels.

4. Embrace the "Off-Duty" Days:

This is the silver lining, ladies. When the kids are with their other parent, you are not just a mom; you are you. This is a HUGE win. Recharge. You cannot fill a cup from an empty pot, and you need that energy to return to being the amazing, juggling machine you are. Capitalize on this time with your new partner/spouse if you have one, and if you don't, enjoy some you time!!!

At the end of the day, we are all just doing our best. Give yourself grace, and laugh when you can. Use your girl circle for some venting. And find a way to celebrate this season of life too!