Keeping the Spice Alive in Your Marriage

Love might be in the air around Valentine's Day, but if the expression of love and appreciation is reserved only for holidays or birthdays, there's plenty of time for our flames to falter, which can create undue stress, tension, and resentment.

Keeping the spice alive in your marriage takes effort, creativity, and commitment. But how? On top of everything else? This blog offers practical tips to help couples reconnect, deepen their bond, and maintain a vibrant relationship.

Make Time for Each Other

Life’s demands can pull couples in different directions. Work, family, and daily chores often take priority, leaving little room for connection. Scheduling regular quality time is essential. If it means something to you, you need to schedule it. This is a way of protecting your time! Also, this doesn’t mean grand gestures or expensive dates; even simple moments can rekindle closeness.

• Set aside one evening a week for a date night at home or out. Jeff and I are huge on making sure we have at least one date night a week, usually on Wednesdays.

• Turn off phones and distractions during this time. You can't connect with each other if you are both on your phones connecting with others. Remember, midlifers, there was a time when we didn't have a phone glued to our hands! Hold your spouse's instead!

• Try new activities together, like cooking a new recipe or taking a walk in a nearby park. Jeff and I will sometimes work out together, killing two birds with one stone!

  
  

Consistency matters more than extravagance. The goal is to create space where both partners feel valued and present.

Be Playful

Being playful cuts away at stress, promotes closeness, joy, and attachment.

• Watch a movie/ show you both enjoy together.

• Play a board game. Jeff and I love to play escape room games. They show each other's stresses and weaknesses, promote communication, and we are working together on a shared goal.

• DANCE! Yes, even in your own home! Having mini-dance parties cuts away at all negativity, gets your body moving, and can segway to other types of closeness.

Jeff & I are preparing to go see Lady Gaga :)

Communicate Openly and Honestly

Communication is the foundation of any strong marriage. Over time, couples may fall into patterns of surface-level conversations or avoid difficult topics. Honest dialogue helps partners understand each other’s needs, desires, and concerns.

• Share daily highlights and challenges without judgment.

• Express appreciation regularly to reinforce positive feelings.

• Address conflicts calmly and focus on solutions rather than blame.

  
  

Active listening is equally important. Show empathy by acknowledging your partner’s feelings and perspectives. This builds trust and emotional safety.

Keep Physical Intimacy Alive

Physical connection goes beyond sex. It includes gestures like holding hands, hugging, and cuddling, which release oxytocin, the bonding hormone. These small acts maintain closeness and affection.

• Make time for physical touch daily, even if brief.

• Explore new ways to be intimate that feel comfortable for both.

• Communicate openly about desires and boundaries.

  
  

If intimacy has become routine or distant, consider seeking guidance from a psychologist. Professional support can help couples rediscover connection and address underlying issues.

Surprise Each Other

Surprises inject excitement and show thoughtfulness. They don’t have to be extravagant; small, unexpected acts can brighten your partner’s day and remind them they are loved.

• Leave a handwritten note in their bag or on the mirror.

• Plan a spontaneous outing or mini-adventure.

• Bring home their favorite treat or prepare breakfast in bed.

  
  

These gestures break monotony and create joyful memories that strengthen your bond.

Pursue Shared Goals and Interests

Having common goals or hobbies fosters teamwork and shared purpose. Whether it’s fitness, travel, or learning something new, working together builds connection.

• Set a goal like training for a 5K or redecorating a room/ weekend task.

• Join a class or club that interests both of you.

• Volunteer together for a cause you care about.

  
  

Shared experiences create stories and deepen your partnership beyond daily routines.

Practice Gratitude and Positivity

Focusing on what you appreciate about your partner and relationship nurtures a positive atmosphere. Couples who regularly express gratitude report higher satisfaction and resilience.

• Say “thank you” for everyday acts of kindness.

• Compliment your partner sincerely and often.

• Keep a gratitude journal together, noting things you value about each other.

• Send each other thinking of you texts. Jeff and I will send just a picture from a fun moment/ trip; no words, just the photo. This evokes a positive memory for both of us. We will also sometimes send, ".....". To us, that means I am thinking of you.

  
  

Positive interactions build emotional reserves that help couples navigate challenges.

Manage Stress Together

Stress can erode intimacy and increase conflict. Facing stress as a team strengthens your relationship.

• Identify stress triggers and support each other in coping.

• Practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation together.

• Maintain a balance between work, family, and personal time.

• Take accountability for the way the stressor is getting to you and let your partner know you need help managing it.

  
  

When stress arises, remind yourselves that you are partners working toward the same goal.

Want more? We talk about "Rekindling ze Romance" on Season 3 of The LYLAS Podcast! Find it here!